Monday, August 28, 2000

As my hopes for a brilliant third party candidate fade I am once again miffed at G.W. Bush . This time it's the military. G.W. announced last week it is the Clinton-Gore team that is responsible for the downsizing of our military and its current state of non-readiness. Someone is having a bit of selective memory.

It was Dick Armey who led the effort to close military bases around the country in the early 1990's leaving communities devistated, forcing career soldiers into early retirement and us without a strong military force. Oh a what....Armey is a what??? A republican you say. Yes, if fact he is.

When Armey was cutting the budget by closing military bases and firing thousands of soldiers I was living in Lubbock, one of those towns devistated when its military institution, Reese Air Force Base, was turned into a retirement village or something like that.

Now Armey is one of my representatives and just so happens to be the majority leader of the house. I subscribe to his e-mail service which updates me on what issues are at hand in the house. Not too long ago one of his messages said his goal is to rebuild the military. I couldn't believe it!

I'm for a strong military.

I think it's one of the best social programs we have.

But before you go and build it up again please stop and think about how long it is going to be before you close more bases and ruin soldiers lives so that you can look like you are cutting the budget Mr. Armey. These people are real, they are not fond of being political pawns.

Hopefully these people will remember that at the voting polls. Not only when it is time to vote for Armey but also in November when it's time to vote for or against G.W. Bush.

Thursday, August 24, 2000

I had a little incident with mom last night. Not a big blowout or anything, just a harsh realization. It's not like it hasn't happened before but for some reason I continously let it sneak up on me. It's becoming clear that she only cares about herself. The rest of us - in this case me - are merely included as a means to an end. I think it's her survivor mode.

But why hasn't the maternal mode kicked in??

I've been waiting and waiting...in fact I'm still waiting.

While this conclusion was made without the benefit of years of therapy - it seems since she feels that she never got her needs met by a mother figure in her life that in some warped way she projected those expectations on to me. And at least partly expected me to fulfill those needs. Things like expecting me to resolve family issues or handle a number of problems or situations. Which only now do I realize was and is unrealistic. The kicker is that when I tried, and for some reason still do, to meet her expectations - I'm punished for being controling or selfish these verbs often become adjectives when she concludes with - bitch.

I can't believe that I'm nearly 30 and this still hurts. For some reason I keep setting myself up for more. The only thing I know I can control is not inflicting the same damage on my kids. Perhaps that will mean that she isn't a part of their life and maybe even mine. I'm still trying to figure all that out.

Thursday, August 17, 2000

New banks scare me. There is this one that opened down the street from me and it's the only location I've ever seen. If I had all my money in there, I would be leary that if it disappeared I'd be screwed!

I found this site that ranks banks:



I think it's interesting that several of the banks are Internet banks. People are actually putting their money in a bank that isn't tangable. That's scary! I have an E*trade account, but I don't have all my money in it. If it disappears I'm not financially ruined. I guess the economy must be better than we thought if people are that trusting with their money?!?!

Tuesday, August 15, 2000

I tend to lean away from the Republicans which usually leaves the Democrats. I'm not always happy about the options I have - and this year is no different. However, watching the convention last night, I remembered why I favor Democrats.

They're real. Few were polished. There were men in T-shirts, women in overalls holding babies and even Grandma in her flowered polyester shirt. These same people would have been promptly escorted out of the Republican convention. Yes, I think major political events call for approperiate dress, but just because you didn't follow proceedure doesn't mean you shouldn't have an opportunity to voice your opinion. And that, the feeling that you matter, is why I keep being drawn to the left.
Another reason - women matter. I am a woman, so that is a big issue to me. Women are the speakers on key women's issues like abortion. Which is one of the major social issues that sway my vote. The republicans refused to address the issue. Why? Well it's probably because the majority of the party doesn't agree with the party leadership. So tell me, how is that supporting democracy??
I've been in birthday hell!

Gary's on the first, my step mother's on the second and both of my parents on the 11th. But I must say that my life is much easier now that Amazon carrys more than books. I got my Dad a screwdriver that bends and my Mom a book on how your spirituality has a dramatic impact on your financial life. I tried to get her an audio version but they only had CDs and I'm not certain that she has graduated past cassettes. I just put in my creditcard info and they wrapped and shipped the presents. I haven't heard from mom, but I know Daddy's got to Ohio on his birthday.

It's not that I don't get people gifts or cards, I do. Usually months and even years ahead of time - but I never make it to the post office. And so I have a spare bedroom filled with presents just waiting to be appreciated.

Tuesday, August 08, 2000

I've been working on acquiring my letters of recommendation for law school. It's kinda weird asking professors from college who you haven't seen for six years.
I've been working on acquiring my letters of recommendation for law school. It's kinda weird asking professors from college who you haven't seen for six years.

Friday, August 04, 2000

I'm here with nothing to do but smear vaseline, change bandages and swap ice packs but I see that Tina has been busy on piece of mind. New articles, reader responses and she even fixed our problem with Amazon. By the way if you are thinking about going into business with them like we have - I've been very impressed with their response time to our concerns. And personally I think that is more important than just about anything when you are trying to run a business or buy Christmas presents for that matter.

Anyway - I'm here for two more days.
I'm in Lubbock. My mom called me last week rattling off a list of seven or eight surgical procedures she was going to have done. Some were nothing big - but two were kind of major. I decided to come stay with her, eventhough she couldn't understand why. Well it's hard to drive home after you've had your crows feet lazered off and have some weird gel in your eyes. Since yesterday she's had surgery on her foot, under her arm, on her elbow, around both of her eyes, on her stomach and on her lip. Now she can't understand why she's in pain.

Talk about a work-a-holic. She's put herself through this torture because she didn't want to have to take more time off of work. And she works for herself - who'd care??

Not that I have any interest in moving back to Lubbock, but the lack of traffic and noise, clean air and the ability to see for what seems like forever is very refreshing. I think I'm getting a little claustrophobic in Dallas. It's been making me think that maybe I don't want to go to law school in a major city.

Wednesday, August 02, 2000

I've been working on applying to law school. It's not exactly hard - but definately time consuming. Perhaps I'm the one that is making it time consuming.

I've only been able to narrow the field down to 30 schools . I know that sounds like a lot but how do you know which school is the right school?

There are several school rankings out that help you see where you have a good chance of getting in - but even then I'm left with more than 100 schools. So I've taken that 100 and looked at location.

Gary would like to be close to water if possible. That extracts schools in New Orleans, Houston, most of Florida, the east coast - although I don't think that I could afford to live in New York and the West coast - again we have the cost of living issue. Family is also a geographical issue. My dad is in the Mid-West and there are several good schools in that region. My mom is in Texas and she would like us to stay put. Gary's mom would love us to come back to New Mexico. And of course Arizona would be a compromise for her.

Ok - after talking through this I'm beginning to realize it seems to be about what other people want. That's not good. But the thing is - I'm not exactly sure what I want.